Just coming to periods with this fact. And I think that’s what the whole spiritual road is about: coming to terms with our reality. You know? Not lay our top in the beach supposing everything is OK. Sometimes it’s not OK. And we learn to be OK with that anyway.
Thanks to vulnerability things started coming really good in my life, and I actually had a phase where I reputed I was “finished” and that I had no problems. Some stupid taught self-love, actually. But it all came gate-crashing down. That’s OK. It was recreation while it previous, and I’m joyful it’s over.
Vulnerability sometimes looks like weakness. “What do you mean you still have troubles? Do better! Get over them! ” The guy who speaks from its own position of strong, on the surface, seems to provide better reacts. But at the end of the working day that’s not forte. Strength is having the courage to face things as the issue is, without swagger or pretext. It may look like weakness, but in fact, it is anything but. It necessitates having the fortitude to face the things we don’t been fucking loving ourselves. And it signifies giving croak of easy explanations and diving into the complexity of the whole affair.
I’m more relying now. Which is good in some respects … if I cannot trust anyone, how can I ever affection? But on the other hand, people have exploited that against me. Beings who I thought were my friends truly weren’t. They just wanted to use me for their own selfish intents. And I came right into the trap. It sucks, but I’m hear. And I hope that my “unconditional love” is just in my center, and not something that utters me feel like I need to be there for people who aren’t there for me.
I’m doing mistakes too. But I don’t know … I’m following my heart.
Part of me says, “Be careful! You’ll be used again! You might make a mistake! You might be wrong about this one! ” But “whats being” I do? Will I remain closed off out of fear? I intend, if I wait for certainty then I will never act. All I can do is do my best, and with era, learn.
It is not a weakness to follow one’s center. When one starts realizing mistakes it may look a bit foolish, sure. And people will have all sorts of opinion about you. But at the end of the working day , none of that are important. The sucker is the right one who expends his whole life closed off because he is afraid to act. The intelligent subject deeds, finds, gets back up, stumbles again … because only then does he learn.
And not only learn. But closed, snobbish, imitation … how will you dance? How will you sing? How will you cherish?
There’s no revel in been closed down. There’s no charm in falsehood. There’s no ardour for that which is artificial.
So I may still be a wounded guy. I may not have all the answers. I will certainly draw some mistakes going forward.
But no matter what, I will ever remain true to myself and genuine to my nerve. There’s mending here, certainly.
But above all, there’s love. And what a feeling it is.
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