There’s a saying, “God takes care of babes and fools.” I’m no newborn, but I certainly won’t deny I am a dupe. I wasted a very long time terribly addicted to opiates, often taking twenty Vicodin at a time multiple times a day. Hey, they were free. Apparently my liver is top notch, which is a miracle in and of itself. When my generator chipped me off( I cleansed her out tbh ), I was frantic. Heroin was a much cheaper alternative to lozenges, so that’s when I established the button. It made a total of three months for me to completely bolt my life up and ruin all trust anyone around me had.
I didn’t care as I was stuck in survival mode. I was in copious sums of feeling agony I had no idea how to alleviate. “Oh you might die.” Fine by me. Living sucked. Candidly, I had this hunger for extinction. I used to pray for traffic fatalities and was obviously trying to shorten my lifespan with the unwarranted sums of pills I was taking at a time.
February 29 th, 2016 I finally got my wish. I’ve always been the type to push my limits, and the working day I pushed them action more far.
I can only tell you what happened from the perspective of others. I was living with my momma at the time, and for some reason she decided to check on me. I expended a great deal of go get high-pitched in the lavatory, so my interminable stay in the loo wasn’t out of my character. The information that she checked was out of character for her–there’s something to be said for mother’s suspicion. When she saw me slumped back and unconscious, she alerted my aunt and my significant other Chris. She judged I was having a bad reaction to antibiotics since I’d lied to her the previous day about needing fund to go to the doctor for being “sick.”
Chris and my aunt knew about my practice; they instant knew I’d overdosed. Panicked, they both started shaking me and hollering my specify. Nothing. No response. Chris called 911, and when he said I had no pulse , no gulp, and no Narcan, he said they reverberated resigned. Clearly, it was a bad place.
After he hung up the phone, he cried to God or his recently deceased mummy to help,* anyone .* He “says hes” felt this movement of calm bathe over him. He touched my wrist and felt life force energy spread from him into me.
I woke up instantly, beyond pee-pee to hear an ambulance was on it’s space.
“What the fuck do you necessitate, AMBULANCE ?! Clearly I’m fine. What’s the big cheese ?! ”
We didn’t have much time to talk, he and I. I refused medical treatment, so instead of an ambulance hauling me apart, the police took me instead. I gave up my dopes and gained a offense.
As I sat in jail the working day and the following night, the gravity of the situation became clear to me. I died. I was dead. How was I walking around feeling just fine? Being in jail isn’t amusing or anything, but I had no manifestations of withdrawal, precisely a really weird rash. I still get itchy when I’m high-pitched consciousness btw. Almost like my physical body can’t direct the vitality coursing through it. Maybe if I were more pure and made better care of myself I wouldn’t have this action. Meh, I’m a work in progress:)
Also, I had this mental image of me glancing down at my dead sweaty ego. I had a horrifying nightmare with this image and can still conjure it up in a snap. I’ll never forget it and am relatively grateful it stays with me. I didn’t get any white flares or family reunions; instead, I got what I deserved: a gloom remembrance to seeing how pernicious I is likely to be. And listen, I’m not so scared of that darkness because it impediment me straight-out towards the Light. I find life to be shadows of gray-haired , not pitch-black or lily-white. I cuddle both.
For a few days, I felt pretty amazing. I signify shoot, I exactly chiselled demise, so I guess that would be a fairly common response for anyone. Looking back, it was a glimpse of what I could be. This centered peacefulness, love towards everyone. Not much mental yak. I was temporarily awakened.
Pretty soon, actuality hit and I sank again. Its weird how a superhuman thing like that will freak a person out. I felt guilty is still alive. My bad behaviour increased for awhile because I instinctively wanted to run from what just happened. I read this thing last light about how people will obstruct from mystics in monasteries “lest the see eye blink their way.” I felt that one. I’ve viewed what I belief was God since, absolutely softened my mind for months.
As a realistic analytical agnostic bordering on atheist, I had to reexamine my entire perspective on life. I guessed all this spiritual woo woo trash was ridiculous and for the weak thoughts. I thought we were just here to reproduction due to our biological drives. I was pretty ironic about love, thought it was just an influx in chemicals blah blah blah.
I’ve tried to explain this event with logic. I really have. What the inferno does “miracle” even planned? Who gets them and why? Personally, a supernatural is anything that changes your life for the better, that sets you on a better road more suited to who you were always supposed to be, who you are without the dread.
Maybe it was just a strange coincidence, me springing back to life, but the amount of strange co-occurrences were no longer coincidental at that point.
I feel like its my duty to remind people of their limitless capacity. You are inherently immense, I promise. Your capacity to desired is how far you can go.
That energy that brought me back? What else could it be but desire?
Love is Truth.
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