Asking for advise from my journal entry today

I’m really sorry if this isnt welcome here, I guess it’s not directly related to spirituality but I feel like advise from spiritually inclined parties is more profitable for this kind of thing than regular psychology.

I’ve been feeling really intense feelings these past few daylights/ weeks, feelings that I’ve been trying to get away from, I know you should allow yourself to feel everything good and bad to deal with it but I dont know how to deal with the bad feelings, it sometimes may seem like I’m building myself feel better and nothing is happening and I’m just sad.

This is what I wrote down in my publication as I was feeling actually overtook earlier and I just wondered if anyone could gives people any sort of admonish or revelation into what’s going on in my manager atm

( For a bit of situation robyn is my ex pace mum who emotionally influenced me when I was 12 -1 6 it extend me to be chilled and have issues with self harm and suicide, I’m not in that place anymore but I don’t envisage I’m entirely over it cause i dont know what I need to do to be over it)

“I had a dream last darknes that robyn “re coming back” I dont know why but she was at our house and she was doing petty stuff to disturb me, I cant retain what she was doing but it was little stuff to get me exasperated and upset like she used to. And my mum couldnt meet what she was doing and envisaged I was over reacting. I started bashing my head on the door frame cause I was so angry and exasperated. When I woke up I could still feel it in my chest precisely that incensed baffled feeling and I cried, I’m welling up as I write this and I dont know why. I dont know what it is that’s still got a hold the line me.

Theres so many things that I cant “lets get going” of cause i just dont know how to, I’ll unexpectedly feel a curve of disgrace or guilt about things that happened in the past and i know i shouldn’t, the past has already happened and thinking about it wont remained unchanged, i can accept that I’ve impelled mistakes and I dont really have an issue with that fact that I have but sometimes ill only get this sick feeling about something that’s happened and i know it’s my narcissism so i try tell myself … well I dunno I try tell myself something I need to hear to dismiss those expectations but as soon as I try do that my thinker just goes space either I dont know what to say to myself or I help myself saying anything at all but I dont know why I do that. I was really upset in the shower the other day and I could sounds all the nasty dreams really loud but when I tried to dismiss it I merely couldnt hear anything at all it’s like I’m consciously stopping myself feeling better and I dont know why I get it on and the longer it goes on the more upset I get and the weaker I feel. God that rackets so pathetic”

I exactly was just really overwhelmed and perplexed and I dont know who to go to, to ask for advise, if this isnt okay feel free to delete it but I’m just trying to reach out for help , not that I reflect on gaining access to it or anything, just if anyone’s ready, itd be much appreciated. Xx

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