I think sometimes we’re expecting some sort of miracle moment where everything falls into place. Enlightenment. Clarity. Absolute peace. I know I have the tendency to search for this sort of thing.
Can it happen? I don’t recognize why not. But I think it’s something that happens when we make peace with the uncertainty and rockiness. And it may not inevitably be some “Big Bang” moment. It can be, I’ve emphatically had some Big Bang moments in my life. But even after those events, life moved closer. Normal life. Just a little more peaceful, a little less struggle, and a little more joy.
And that seems to be the deeper truth. Life is always going to be life. We can do better, you bet we can. But it’s never going to be some rapturous dream thing. It’s always going to be normal life. Wake up, go to work, chat with friends, compile dinner, do laundry. Maybe go on holiday. Fallen in love. You know, the whole human experience.
I don’t know. I’m not 100% soothed or whatever. I don’t have absolute clarity, and don’t know if I ever will. But today, at least for today, I’m at peace. I’m OK with what’s going on in my life. I don’t feel the need to exert myself more, or hit myself into submission. I’m doing OK. I’m doing a little better than I used to.
It may not be everything I ever hoped and dreamed of. But hey. It’s kinda cool. I envision I can get used to it.
And who knows what tomorrow will bring?
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