This is going to sound petty as fuck, but I’m kind of tired of recognizing parties constantly bring up their mental health issues diagnosings. It feels like a big slap in the face since I can’t get diagnosed myself due to relying on parents who refuse to acknowledge my mental health. I’m sick of people saying “Just get therapy.” “Get a diagnosis.” “I have ADHD/ ASD/ BPD/ dip/ GAD. Like, I’m actually diagnosed. I’m not trying to be quirky.” Like, I’m joyful we’re living in a experience where people feel like they can talk about these things but…It feels so demeaning. Really because I’m not diagnosed doesn’t aim I’m not struggling too. I’m not forging this shit. But sometimes I has got to stop and question myself because I always question, “What if I am? ” But I’ve been struggling for years and I’m frankly just tired and indignant and I’ve learned to “cope” so well that I’m not sure I even care about my own mental health anymore.
I know it’s not their blame. I know it’s wrong for me to be so ruffled. But I’m living in a household where my feelings are constantly grazed aside unless they’re positive ones, and even then, my parents sometimes don’t even care to share in my joy. Their reactions feel so fake sometimes. “Oh, good for you.” “If it offsets you happy.” Quick smiles and then they go back to what they’re do. I feel like a fus most of the time. I time crave someone to acknowledge how I’m actually feeling , not what they want me to feel. But , nope. I have to get over it, see it, it’s time hormones. Everyone goes through it. And on top of that I’m a faggot adolescent with queerphobic mothers. I have literally fucking no one to turn to. I don’t have friends to talk to since I’m a piece of shit and they all vacated me regardless. Duty of me precisely feels a bit crazy. I don’t know how I’ve held during for so long.
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