How do I forgive myself?

I had what I thought was a somewhat clean-living breakup a few weeks ago. It wasn’t a super long affair, perhaps four months or so. But lemme were talking about it exited very deep so it feels like longer. We enjoyed each other a lot. Yesterday out of nowhere she just tears into me talking about what a shitty being I am. A heap of it wasn’t genuine from my perspective some of it certainly was. It kills me inside that I hurt someone I attended about so deeply. That’s the thing that hurts most surely. I knew the relationship had to end it was a bad dynamic for both of us. I didn’t expect to be called such vile things by such person or persons when a lot of those things are appropriately intentioned by me.

I’m trying to forgive myself because that’s the first step. I already is in response to her with a moderately whole hearted confession where deserved and standing up for myself in parts as well. How do I move on from this ache I feel for justification her pain. She probably doesn’t want to talk to me.

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