As a personal mantra, I tend to believe that the best possible version of me is one I forge over a fuel, fueled by my past failures and oversights. Because of this, part of me is always angled towards the past. It’s a personal way that I make sure I never clear the same misunderstandings twice. In doing so, I sometimes give myself up to a darknes of casual drinking and sadness, over what has fled my life over the years. We will ever lose things, just as we will gain brand-new ones. But the nostalgia we assign to our very firsts and beginnings will never be superseded by these new things, and they shouldn’t be. I must sit here, every now and then, and allocate the feeling accumulation I build to be alleviated, so not as to let them explode. I must drain them to maintain a balance. And while I cannot tell whether I am choosing to do this, or whether it is a deep part of my subconscious, I both welcome and dread it. Luckily, these nighttimes pass as quickly as “theyre starting”, and I’m able to move on. But they remain me confined to something deep within myself. An almost unimaginable personal spirituality, bind exclusively to myself and this natural earth.
Since I was a kid, I developed terribly unforgettable and photographic rememberings of spates and feelings in dreams and daydreamings. In my mind exist ultimate paradisiacal and unimaginable encounters, ones that could not have been inspired by television, books, plays, or media. I was too young to be influenced by them. Music is the only media that had that clevernes, and particularly very much still does. Music harbours a key, one that takes me back to these lieu mentally. I “ve never” substantiated any sort of feelings or lives of these batches. I find reminders of them in almost all music. Carols that contain instruments or sounds so familiar to me it virtually feels like it gives me the part memory planned of someone in a past soul. But I wish not to elaborate on this aspect too much, as it begins to discredit the larger importance of these seeings and feelings as a mere affection/ obsession to music. They are, in reality, far more important than that. I will too not insinuate that these are the only dreams and expectations I get, far from it in fact. The majority of what I experience is completely median. I do not conceive myself so exalted as to think I stand out or am specially special. I belief everyone to hold aspects of this higher level of understanding. That is why we all have such different and variable interests, flairs, etc. But in modern daylight, we do not feed into these things. For thousands of years, these very natural core components of our humanity have been suppressed.
This is where I begin mentioning that this is a very uniquely modern problem. There are still billions of people on this dirt that are very in tune with not only nature, but their spirituality, and have a much deeper understanding of the world around them that is not wholly cold and scientific. I jealousy almost anyone who holds religion, as they have a peace with their soul that I probably cannot, and will not know. I also do not mean that in a monotheistic provide. As an American in the Midwest/ south, Christianity isn’t my solace soul vehicle. I attempt a deeper understanding than sheer happenstance by what I grew up around. I have my own personal presumptions as to what we are and where we go when we die, but like any other system of notion, they cannot be proven or disproven, exclusively felt and known. That is why I hold such national priorities for roam, and to communicate with all the peoples of the world. The aborigines, the sick, the rich, etc. 8 Billion parties, and I will merely ever assemble a couple tens of thousands of them, and hear about maybe a couple hundred thousand more. It’s sad genuinely. I wish to deepen my perspective, and understand the world health organization and what I am. After that, I will truly be free from what I consider a bunker. Society isn’t the issue. For Millennia, we were able to operate as fully unique and individual people. Exclusively when male spotted machine did we become fully alien to our entire commonwealth. The wickedness of finding and economy have robbed us of name, and started the sufferance of a countless millions of people. Succinctly said, the key to our future is sewn in our past.
My obligations as a member of society entirely outweigh my natural cosmo as a human being spiritually. If we leave prestige, egotism, and attainment at the barriers of death, then what good are they to me at the end of this long life. Why have I prioritized my business and social advancement in national societies that has begun to collapse, if I am almost surely to be a casualty of it’s blunders? Why do I not invest fully and absolutely in my return to the greatness that is almost certainly beyond what we have built? This will always be a sentiment I have, and one that will always be easier said than done. I cannot simply live a rebellious soul where I vacate refined society, and return to “monke”. I aim to have children, and pray to a divinity I do not know that they will be a part of a greater return to the truth of humanities beginning, and truth. I do not rightfully conceive I got to find this. I precisely hope for so much better for the beings I deplete my part live to refine with the keys of knowledge and nuance I discover myself.
At the end of the day, this is only a very small glimpse into the issues I contemplate rarely. I am typically wholly able to avoid this, and conform into culture, imagining it isn’t entirely self devouring and worthless. But tonight isn’t one of those darkness. If anyone has any relations, questions, or explains, satisfy interact. I basically implore interaction with other parties at this level. If you happen to be a religious person or digit, has to know I will question your notions to the core, so if you are offended by that sort of thing, you may want to avoid this.
Take care everyone, and joyful new time to you all!
Read more: reddit.com