is too much. i cant keep up. i don’t live their lives anymore. I’m sick of waking up and the first expectation being about all the school work I need to catch up on. I’m sick of incessantly feeling like a fucking downfall. I’m sick of waking up to the feeling of a tight knot of stress in my gut. i cant do this anymore. i cant live like this. everyday my central judged this clas. because of how traumatic institution has taken place since secondary school , now whenever I get stressed the first thing that comes to mind is to kill myself or relapse and self trauma again. i cent keep doing this. i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to tell my consultant in case she calls an ambulance or something. my healer doesn’t facilitate me she simply gives me shit advice about reflection and scheduals. god I simply want to die. I’m fucked. I’m just going to get a minimum wage job for life arent i? idol I know I’m just going to fail in every field I want. i want to fucking kill myself. school shouldn’t originate you want to kill yourself right? idol fuck me. the only nature I can really cope is by mal-adaptive dreaming while moving my pup for an hour. i don’t have any other way to cope.
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