Oh my goodness everyone. I just needed to share…
At the beginning of April 2020 I decided to change my life. I recognized I had some poisonous behaviors due to trauma and it had devastated too many relations. I has only just been graduated college, was lucky enough to not immediately have to find a job( my mom was a harbour and wanted me to stay at home to help out b/ c of COVID ), and decided it was finally time to figure my sh* t out. I did it all–yoga, meditation, journaling daily. Spiritual podcasts and works. Long marches in parks practising mindfulness, deep the negotiations with friends, etc. I eventually began to feel like I was healing…
Then I got a occupation in a new municipality and moved at the beginning of fall. And things started to get bad again. As it got colder and darker, my dimple and distres started to flare up. I was lonely as hell, principally just going from work to home, with only a few friends in the city. I tried to keep up with my traditions, but wielding 9-5 with little time for myself started to swallow me whole. I felt my mind coming dragged deeper and deeper down a dark pit every day. I started noticing old wonts rise. I couldn’t calm my obtrusive anticipates down anymore. I felt like all the work I had done was for nothing.
But today….after spending the weekend paralyzed with sadness, I woke up and decided I was tired of waiting for some external violence to change how I felt. I realized that I couldn’t wait for someone or something to make me feel better. I realized that even if nobody else attended or noticed…I WAS WORTH FIGHTING FOR. That I am enough AS I AM. That I am worthy of love and confidence and light. That I was ready to release all the fear, mistrust, anxiety, and judgement I had been accommodating. I must have wrote about 7 sheets in my magazine. I went to a socially distanced yoga class for the first time in months. I sat on my roof, listening to the world around me, and thanked the Universe for allowing me another have begun to my journey. I thanked the Universe for being case with me.
I feel like for the past few months I have just been in a mist. As I sat in chaturanga, listening to the reverberations of a music bowl complete my ears, ruptures began to flow. When I opened my sees after the practice, I felt still, material, at peace. It was beautiful. I simply felt…like all the bad feelings defrosted apart.
If you’re still speaking this…I just wanted to share this experience with someone. I didn’t know where else to besides here.
If you suffer from mental illness and it has derailed your spiritual journey, satisfy know you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. You are still worthy of love and peace. You deserve to live a life of illuminated and rejoice. It’s okay that times are hard right now, but know I am crying for that stillness I experienced to fall upon every mind sustain. We are all one, and we mend together. Happy Monday everyone!
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