All of this happened two years ago.
I am an international student at a college in the US. I was fight with my mental health issues and I regularly talked to a school counselor. My parents label mental health and always negated my fights, so I had a really hard time declaring to myself that I actually have a mental health diagnosis. My mental health was coming in the way of me going to class and I was soon miscarrying all my castes although I came to the US on a fellowship due to my academic success. I WAS DOING BAD!
After talking to my school consultant for a semester and a half, I eventually realized that there’s something bigger going on and that I’d like to be “screened” by a doctor. She assured me that there’s a doctor that comes to our campus that can help me with this.
I filled out online questionnaires that the doctor emailed me. It had a matter of things like hollow, distres, PTSD, OCD and anorexia. It was a selection of conditions that seen sense for me( and I am assuming that my mentor told him what I should be screened for. I was in fact anorexic at the time and my mentor had participated me lose a lot of value but she never generated it up during our sessions)
Then, I match the doctor. He was a family physician with event in mental health. From the get move, I felt unpleasant. Something about his body language and the style he talked to me like he “really met who I was” and like he had known me forever. It was really strange. I genuinely can’t recollect every detail because I kinda forgot parts of it but here’s what I can remember.
Some strange things that happened during that meet 😛 TAGEND
He randomly asked me “Who made those paints? ” I look back him strangely because it wasn’t connected to anything we were talking about and he was like “Oh, I like to look up my patients before I meet them. What we share on social media tells a lot about who we are” I speculate I just said that my friends take my pictures.
He prevented pertaining his trauma to mine( I’m not absolutely convinced how he knew about my damage. Idk if I talked about it in the questionnaire or what) and talked about how he was also so lonely/ forgotten as a child. He also has spoken about how he had the same major as me when he was in college. It was so odd that he tried manufacturing it seem like he actually understand where I am coming from. He even “ve been told” that both me and him were lost in a timber as teenagers just like Winnie The Pooh( I care I was making this up. I guess he was trying to say that we had to navigate childhood all alone ). It was just so strange to me because I always thought that physicians should restrain great distances and be professional. I’ve went to physicians after that and I’ve never had a same know-how like with this strange doctor.
Then, he “ve been given” back my “test results”. Harmonizing to my answers in the questionnaire, I was at a high risk of having hollow, anxiety, OCD, anorexia and bipolar at the time( As I referred to earlier, I was doing really bad at the time ). But he “ve been told” that those results don’t actually aim anything if my childhood is take into consideration. He just said that I had a distressing past and that I need to learn how to regulate my emotions, but that I don’t have any conditions.
Then, toward the end of our fill as we were saying goodbye, he gave me an embarrassing tap on my thigh/ internal thigh domain. Like the mode you’d tap someone’s back when you’re saying bye-bye. I felt curious. Around that time he also mentioned KETAMINE and how he can “hook me up” with some if I need it( he didn’t statement it like that but that was the gist of it ). I didn’t know what ketamine was at the time and I vaguely remember him justifying it to me … Ogling at it now, how are you going to offer me ketamine but not consider things like antidepressants. How do “theres going” from “you don’t have any mental conditions” to “you qualify for ketamine” ?? Strange.
Then, at the end, he gave me his doctor business card, but before he gave it to me he stroke-trough his “business” phone number and wrote his personal phone number with a pen. Again, strange. He said I could call him if I ever need anything.
I aimed up neglecting all my categories that semester. I was doing so bad and was overwhelmed with institution but I didn’t think to ask for help because that doctor assured me that I have no mental illnesses. I too didn’t trust to reach out to anyone from my academy because of how scarring that suffer with that physician was.
That was my spring semester and then in the autumn semester of my sophomore year I found out that at my school there are disability housings. I knew I was struggling with my mental health and that I couldn’t submit assignments on time. I talked to the person in charge and they told me I would need a diagnosis by a doctor. I “ve told them” them that’s not something I can open( to go and see a doctor) but that I was seen “positive” for some provisions by the doctor I investigated on campus( the winnie the pooh ketamine chap ). After a few daytimes, they gave me my adaptation. So it was valid enough to give me accommodation ?? But I wasn’t actually mentally ill ?? Strange.
Finally, in this spring semester( I’m a junior now) I made things into my own hands and find a medical professional that’s not related to the school. Turns out I have ADHD. I’ve been on medication since the start of the semester and I am lastly getting things done and this is the first time I’ve has once again good tiers. I’m genuinely doing okay. And I haven’t had issues with anorexia since that spring of my newcomer year. This is unrelated by torso positivity and just acquiring my figure has helped me so much.
My questions are … how unethical/ predatory was my experience? Am I crazy to think this might be wrong? It candidly genuinely disfigured me and I am only now realizing that I lost trust in everyone at the school because of it. Think about it … I am a foreign student in America. I don’t have category now and my institution was the purpose I came here. Be submitted to such a strange know-how with a medical doctor, especially when discussing something so fragile like mental health issues, realized me feel like I am living in a fright movie. Like, I felt like I disclosed such personal information with that doctor only for that physician to gaslight me and too be kinda greedy. Fucking help me understand my place. I still feel crazy post this. Should I tell anyone at my academy what happened?
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