How to stop hating myself?

I’ve been self-improving myself for a year and I am now realised that I dislike myself. It all started back in November of 2019. I was coming into the skinny fat mas type and I didn’t like myself. I got invited to a party in November and it was perhaps the worst day of “peoples lives”. When I got there I was immediately fixed recreation of. The people there called me the ugliest guy in institution and roasted me for everything I did. After the party those people still roasted in my clas and whenever I recognized them. Girlfriends would make jokes abt me and say how ugly I was. So during Christmas break( 2019) I started working out and watching YouTubers on how to be more confident.

I noticed self-improvement YouTubers such as Improvement Pill and many Red pill paths. I changed my hairstyle and begin being more healthy. I find some fascination from girls but I still wasn’t self-confident. I even contacted destinations and discovered that school was easy for me. Nonetheless, before we went into isolation I saw the girl I liked being with some other guy so I told myself that I wasn’t going to stop self-improvement in quarantine.

So every day from March of 2020 till now. I have been improving myself and doing everything related to self-improvement. Working out, mulling, freezing showers, ceasing porn, stopped masturbating, gobbling healthful, sea, speak, program projections journaling, straining, hygiene, and coming 7-8 hours of sleep. I’ve cultivate a good deal and gained fellowships and finished a lot of programme projects.

However, I still dislike myself and developed an unstable relation with self-improvement. I was beginning to detest myself for has become a 17 -year-old virgin, and recluse. I kind of cut off all my friends to gain more time in programming and school. The only things I have in my life are coding working out and studying. Everyone else I see in my institution is having the most fun while I only sit in my apartment alone asf.I have this belief that if I dedicate my part world to working on coding projects and self-improving as a whole, then I can be better than all those people who bullied me. I’m so hard on myself with everything I do because I feel I have to be the best to get parties to recognize me. I can’t let go of the past, so I don’t know if I should stay with the mentality.

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