Some background: My father attempted suicide two months ago, suffered severe brain damage, and has been unconscious in a hospital berthed for the past two months.
I simply feel that everything I do is futile and doomed to fail. I always attached so much value to his adorations of my hard work in school and my personal pastimes. I have totally fallen off track with where I used to be in terms of productivity. I’m trying to get back into yoga and regular meditation but every day is so gloomy and I find myself listing the tendernes by distract myself with social media, going to see friends, and ignoring responsibilities until they will merely stress me out even more.
I don’t know if I’ll ever witness my father again or if he’ll ever wake up, and if he does wake up I don’t know that he’ll be the same person. I feel like a terrifying lad. I tried to talk to him about going professional assist with his mental health leading up to this but he did not want to. There was even a discussion where I was half asleep in which he expended the word “suicide” the day before it happened, and I defaulted to what my grandmother and stepmom thought about it and didn’t prosecute any real action like announcing the hospital or some place that I feel must be created but I can’t worded … I decided to stay at my grandmother’s that very same day because his actions and outbursts were draining me. I got the news at midnight of that next day. I is and remains in outrage.
I am going to therapy which is helping but life is so terribly overtaking right now. Everything feels like some Herculean task.
How can I overcome this when every day feels like a nightmare? I wake up every day and retain what has happened. I never want to get out of bed anymore and when I try I slide back every few weeks into the same rut.
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