This may be a long winded announce, but I just need a target to give it out there. I( 19 m) came diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 14 and I lost my teenage years to mental illness. Now, I feel like I’m doing everything I should be doing, but I’m still sad and embarrassed. I take meds, go to therapy, journal, meditate, feed healthy etc ., but there’s precisely this sadness I still have. Granted, it’s not as bad as it formerly was, but it’s still not ideal.
I struggle with spirituality a lot more. Each time I trust my insight, it’s wrong. I’ve tried to manifest and wholeheartedly believe in something just for it to fall through. Anytime I’ve gotten a “sign, ” I’ve been~ not sober~ and therefore have persuasion myself I’m stimulating it up. I want to believe in the universe and deities, but I feel like I’m putting in all this work for nothing. I recognize everyone else making progress with their spiritual pilgrimage, and I’m stagnant. I haven’t even stroked my tarot cards in months because learn them did nothing but get my hopes up and give me impractical expectations of a situation.
I don’t know what to do anymore. My whole “spiritual journey” feels pointless. Try as I might, I’ve never shaped contact with ancestors, heart leader, or anything like that. Idk. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do anymore
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