I’ll be turning 28 this month, and at this station I have no idea what my mental failure is. I’ve been given the complete rundown of diagnosis from different doctors at different times in my life: ADD and ADHD, Bipolar type 2, being on the autism range, and Asperger’s most recently. I without a doubt have issue with both depression and feeling as a collateral of the above listed, as never having a clear answer and eventually a solution to my mental health issues has made its toll.
I show very clear ratifies of ADHD, nonetheless I have some mental health quirks that aren’t covered under ADHD descriptions, but fall within the scope of things like Asperger’s, yet don’t show certain signals of Asperger’s either that’d make it an easy diagnosis. As if I was, I’d have the most minor case of Asperger’s possible, says my mother. What irks me, was my misdiagnoses of bipolar category 2, in a period of serious hollow during collage, and I became heavily medicated with Latuda 80 mg for a few years, more I established no ratifies of any real frenetic escapades. For a short while when I lastly was to take away of them, and given adderall and lexipro, things get better, but the mental blocks that were preventing me from making any sort of meaningful personal progress that I was all too self well understood, intending developing and deterring to a chore, interpret, employ, and generally building and maintaining good habits while breaking bad ones, soul penalize and motive kind things, is all very much lacking and was and still is a form of my own personal hell.
I’m likewise fairly eccentric and functionality on a different wavelength from most others. If you were ever a fly on the wall of my accommodation or in my auto when I’m by myself, I’m either almost always talking to myself, laughing at my own jokes, uttering 4 or 6 different tones, sometimes talking ended rigmarole. Shit that’d shape beings speculate I was a schizo. Hitherto I’m completely cognitive and aware of it, and it comes off more like acting. Showing signalings which adds to the Asperger’s/ autism diagnosis, yet I don’t show core facets for such a diagnosis. I’m frequently highly isolated and alone from my peers, don’t have many friends, and think of myself as an introvert, yet ask anyone familiar with me that isn’t family and they’d say I’m particularly outgoing, if somewhat difficult or a bit of a goober. The one thing that most people pick up instantly is that, in their own messages to me, I come off very differently from most others, I’m very authentic to myself and rarely conform to the setting around me. Someway or somehow. I’ve been told that there’s others out there that may share my name, but that there is only one “u/ Gizzard-Gizzard” as it were.
As of late I’ve successfully weened myself off my lexipro and occasionally still take my adderall, but largely microdose psilocybin every other day, for my anxiety/ hollow. However I’ve more to find any meaningful solution to my poverty-stricken self-discipline/ motivation that shackles me from making any meaningful progress in my personal self development, and “getting my shit together”.
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