A theme I find persistently when analyzing my life at all the points. That one feeling that lurks and festers time underneath the skin that I’ve ever tried to chuckle off as good-for-nothing, but its something. Through all my spiritual proliferation and deeper understanding of life in general without fail, a feeling of waisted possible and opportunity always sits on my shoulder echoing synonyms of a doctrine long vacated. I know now that there is no jealous prince in the clouds striking ruling for my activities or shortcoming there of but somehow this supernatural still remains. It’s like fearing a shark while in the wilderness. It’s all a ego enforced mental confinement of personal regret predicated on the fact that I am not achieving goals I have no awareness of. It’s an apparition more the negative feelings are still real dictating my feeling like the adjustment of the planetary forms. Some might push away this feeling but I strive to live by a moral code. I want to be true to my feelings and allow them to be freely carried so I allow this to run its course. The most annoying feeling in spirituality is realizing that you are the only teacher you will ever get, every outside suggestion is just that. Merely you choose what anything means and there is no wrong answer. This means that any structure we grant “its just” that. Separation is just an illusion, you were never alone but at the same time you were always alone. There is no bad but there is also no good. We made all of that up precisely to distract us from the fact that we are IT. Now I get it, I chime rather negative and that may be true, I feel negative and thats whats being expressed no different from the jubilation I felt months back. I’m precisely is sincere and yet with the truth eyeing me down I still feel as if I am lavishing away some role. I expect I haven’t experienced a good enough distraction yet, as that is everyone’s goal, to be distracted fairly as not to think but exactly feel.
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